Really nervous about tomorrow...
But this is what I wanted. I have always wanted to have a particular type of worklife. I wanted to take public transportation to a big, prestigious company where I'd work as an administrative assistant, someone who would have to always be the one in the office that everybody liked and could go to for what they needed done. I wanted to have the responsibility to take careful measures to dress very professionally.
So tomorrow I start that job.
I feel only that horrible type of pressure that comes from being about to see if what you wanted was what you wanted; if what you thought you could do is what you can do; if what you think you like is what you really like--and worry over the possibility of intense disappointment.
I hope everyone likes me. I hope that I can do the work right, that they didn't hire the wrong person and will realize that they would prefer someone else. I wish I could remember whether or not I had lied in the interview to make myself seem better than I am.
I hope I get on the right bus.
I sort of hope tomorrow never comes. I wish somebody was here to make me feel better, but being an independent person who doesn't need to rely on others is what I wanted. At the very least, I wish I hadn't just started my period which is the biggest factor contributing to my sulking.
I don't like to post anymore because whenever I try to start one it always begins as Today I... and then I think about it and that sentence always ends with worked and that seems really boring to me but really that is all I do. Everyday repeats again and again. So I will just post boring things.
Last night I worked until 1am and then I was so awake when I got home that I watched a movie then went to bed this morning and got up at 830. I gave up on sleeping. I realized that the past year I have thought it important to get a good amount of sleep but then I realized that not only is this pretty much impossible for me if I want to do anything but work and sleep, but it's really not all that important, I think. So I have taken up a coffee addiction and have come to terms with being sick and tired and now I have so much more time!
So now I am watching The Aristocats; I really like cats. I ate a muffin for breakfast. I remembered to put a coke in the fridge when I first got up so it will be cold soon and I will drink it while eating White Cheddar Cheez-Its for lunch.
I'm really close to beating Tetris. I'm both proud and embarrassed but I connected my DS to the internet and played worldwide and lost every game but one (out of many many many games). I thought I was good until that. But then I sort of think that anybody playing Tetris worldwide on WiFi on a Saturday afternoon probably is a pretty hardcore Tetris player.
I guess that's about all.
Happy Pi Day!
I started to list the books I read after starting to work at the YMCA where I started to read a lot more.
[12/30] Dance Dance Dance by Haruki Murakami
This was a really wonderful example of Murakami's writing. I thought his main character had more character than they usually do, even more than I remember him having in A Wild Sheep's Chase. I think that is only because he was incredibly funny and quirky. I always like how his characters are so solitary and sad without really being conscious to that fact. Anyway, 6 out of 5 stars for this one.
[11/19] The Elephant Vanishes by Haruki Murakami
It's a collection so of course it had it's highs and lows and overall I really enjoyed it. Typical Murakami. Incidentally, stories from Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman stick to my mind more than any of these but I had to discuss all those for class so that might be the only reason why.
[11/8] Noman by William Nicholson
I really loved this trilogy. Of course The Wind on Fire Trilogy will always be the closest to my heart, but this one contained an element that made it really special to me--religion. I've read William Nicholson's bio and think that our views on religion are the same. That is, we both come from a religious background and continue to search endlessly for the truth but think there probably is nothing. I think this hopelessness and hopefulness was the whole tone of the trilogy which came as a comfort to me. I also love the way William Nicholson writes characters that sympathize with others so much it destroys them. Such is life.
[11/01] Good Omens by Terry Pratchett & niel Gaiman
I'm always a little wary to read books that other people picked out for me, but this one was surprisingly great! Well of course I liked it, poking fun at religion--that's my favorite.
[October] Jango by William Nicholson
Beautiful, of course.
[10/02] What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami
Of course I loved this book! Of course I read it overnight! I really strongly believe Murakami and I have the same soul. Well--the same substance makes up our hearts. I think all peoples' souls have different qualities to them and all souls are different, but sometimes they are similar to others. I believe Murakami (and Morrissey) are really similar to me because of these types of qualities. But! Murakami and I are so similiar in other respects--appreciate for writing and reading and music--and running! How excited I was to learn he too likes to run. It was really interesting to learn why he runs and how he feels about that. What can I say? My favorite author released a memoir...I'm ecstatic. I'll soon read it again and probably over and over.
[09/30] The Unconsoled by Kazuo Ishiguro
This took me forever to read! Almost a month... now that I'm finally done with it, I think I liked it. Well, I liked it well enough I guess. I felt like the story built up way too slowly for the sort of anticlimatic end. Well, I guess it wasn't really anti-climatic....just the entire book was really predicatible. I kept reading with the hope something really bizarre would happen. But the book is bizarre, but that kind of strangeness got old after the fist 300 pages or so. So, yeah I liked it; it had some pretty clever humor in it but I'm not sure I would recommend it to anyone.
Real World by Natsuo Kirino
I thought this book was a relatively mindless read at first but it built steadily throughout and I realized it wasn't. I don't really want to admit the way it made me feel and the reasons why, but as soon as I read the last word I closed the book and sat in chills and tears for the next two minutes. I don't know what it's done to me now.
The Woman in the Dune by Abe Kobo
This is a pretty typical book that is labeled "classic" that is really just pretty boring. It was alright and a quick read but depressing...and hopeless.
South of the Border, West of the Sun by Murakami Haruki
I didn't really like this book.......... Okay, I said it! I said it about a Murakami novel! I feel awful but its the truth! I didn't really like it! It was a little dull, the main character was just too wishy-washy and whiney and I didn't like the premise of the book at all. Sorry Murakami! Really, really sorry!
Hardboiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Murakami Haruki
Great! While reading it I thought it was typical Murakami-bizarre and enjoyable but the ending---WOW! Fabulous~
The Old Testament/The Jewish Bible
A great literary read! My favorite character is Jonathon--he's so beautiful! I love study of the Old Testament! It's really interesting.
A Wild Sheep Chase by Murakami Haruki
One of Murakami's best! Most people I know who read his novels consider this their favorite book. It is quite good! I enjoyed it a lot.
You are not a stranger here [reread] by Adam Haslett
This is my favorite short story collection. It's so sad, beautiful, and evocative. Because of that, it's comforting.