traffic violation
you vagabond, you

On I495 Friday night the car in front of me swerved, screeched around in a 360 and finally flipped over two lanes into the ditch. It made a horrible sound. I have never been so terrified. It's really a strange feeling. For a long time afterward I was shaking and thinking I don't want to die!

Ridiculous.

Instinct is a weird thing. Right now I'm back to my usual mopey self thinking I don't care if I wake up tomorrow or not but I was really scared Friday night and I genuinely didn't want to die. Or maybe I just didn't want to die like that.

I still don't understand what it is that makes people live day to day without committing suicide but I shall endeavor to see if I can find. At least for a while longer.

Respectfully I want to remember that car and the people in that car.

I finished another William Nicholson novel! So beautiful. I think he just write all the words in my soul.

( Surely you know it is you who will save me. )


My whole book has tons of post-its but those were the quotes I feel most connected to.

The day after I made my last post my car broke again so after a lot of trauma I finally got a new car. I was really upset over the whole thing which is why I refrained from posting (I'm trying not to complain to LJ) but my car is so super cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

( Here are photographs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! )

It's a 2003 Toyota Echo! It's beautiful!

That's all I have to say about that. I'm officially broke.

In other news, I work tomorrow at 6:45AM.

My baby is back!!!!!!!!!! That is, my car is parked on the street and it starts when I turn the key!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaay! The auto clinic cleaned the interior of my car for free. I'm not sure if this is a compliment or an insult. This clinic is one my uncle has used for a few years, its just a couple of Japanese guys that fix Japanese cars and they've never cleaned anybody's car that we know of. Do they mean my car stinks? Or did they like me? I will assume the latter because my public persona is reportedly "sweet" and "cute." What a sham.

Anyway, I can drive myself to work! And then to work! I picked up the Tuesday night shift! Yaaaaaaaaaaay! Well, for a month anyway just while the regular Tuesday night person takes a course. I wanted the extra money for the upcoming holidays. I've already begun buying gifts and I've made my Christmas card list. I'm productive!

I went to church yesterday! And made the reverend mad! Yaaaaaaay! My Religious Studies degree is working already!!!!!!

I love Code Geass!!!!!!!!!! I haven't been able to get into an anime in a long time! It's exciting!!!!!

Happy Birthday Mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remember your birthday EVERYDAY!!!!!!!

One day I will stop using my LJ for complaining.

But not today.

I need expensive surgery. And my car broke down and was stuck in the parking lot at work for days. It was towed today. I'm waiting for the mechanic to tell me if it will be worth fixing. Maybe this weekend I will have to buy a car. I still don't know how I will get to work today.

I think it's sad and strange all problems stem from money and economic inequality. Me? Zeni geba? Well, it's only natural.

I don't mean to belabor this but the passage of time is really getting to me. Every day crawls by at a disgusting pace, but at the end of the week, as Friday draws to a close I think, "what? The weekend? The week just began." I don't like this. And then I mark down the days on the calendar at the Y and realize it's October and I've already received my diploma as if I should never give school another thought again. But sometimes when I'm at the Y and I'm tired of reading novel after novel and all I'm doing is spinning around in my backless spinny chair I think, "hold up; shouldn't I be studying/writing a paper/doing something academic?" It's funny how those instincts stick with you. But alas, there is no paper writing or studying to be done. I continue my study of various religions from time to time, however. Someone gave me a book at the Y for it and I am reading a book by the Dalai Lama so I have a sense of familiarity there.

I have been working at the Y for about four months now. It's really strange for me to think that way because it seems like just yesterday that I couldn't remember the names of all the pros and I couldn't remember how to close for the night without looking at the check-list I had made myself. And here it is four months later and I need no check-list and the pros throw tennis balls at me and talk to me for hours at a time between their lessons.

I feel rather fond of the place. So, I have no intention of giving up my shifts anytime soon.

I just finished William nicholson's second book in the noble Warriors trilogy. How I love his words. His dialogue is so lyrical. I wanted to include an excerpt of it because it's so beautiful. ( I picked one that is particularly lovely. )

Today as I was running I saw a plump Canada goose lying dead by the shore of the Charles. A dead squirrel, too, lying next to a tree. They both looked like they were fast asleep, but they were dead. Their expressions were calm, as if they'd accepted the end of life, as if they were finally liberated. next to the boathouse by the river was a homeless man wearing layers of filthy clothes. He was pushing a shopping cart and belting out "America the Beautiful." Whether he really meant it or was being deeply ironic, I couldn't tell.

At any rate, the calendar has changed to October. Before I know it another month will be over. And a very harsh season is just around the corner.


-Murakami Haruki

Things to buy! I made this list previously on my computer which is why some things are already crossed off. But! I have ran out of things to live for! But I will live for stuff! I realized I can be materialistic. I have purpose! Drive! Money! I can do anything!

A new wallet.
This from Shana Logic. [nb: Everytime I'm ready to buy this it is out of stock. It's so pretty.]
A Softer World Print [I haven't decided which one yet.]
[DVD] Death Note II: The Last Name
[DVD] 恋空 | Koizora
[DVD] Robin Hood Men in Tights [Oddly...it's my most watched movie.]
[DVD] The Prince of Egypt [I loves me some biblical study!]
[DVD] Hercules [My favorite Disney film!]
[DVD] That Darn Cat [My second favorite Disney film!]
[DVD] 盛夏光年 | Eternal Summer
[DVD] Nana [Just the first one...I didn't like the second one that much.]
[DVD] Detroit Metal City
[J Drama] Puzzle
[Dorama] Zeni Geba
[J Drama] LIFE
[J Drama] Bloody Monday
[J Drama] Sexy Voice & Robo
[J Drama] Akihabara@Deep
[J Drama] 1 Pound Gospel
[J Drama] [Sarah's Choice] Atashinchi no Danshi
[Album] YUI - I Loved Yesterday
[Album] THSK - Heart, Mind & Soul
[Album] 苏打绿 - 无与伦比的美丽 [If I can ever find it.]
[Album] 曹格 - Super Sunshine
[Single] YUI - TOKYO
[Book] William Nicholson - Noman
[Book] Murakami Haruki - Dance Dance Dance
[Manga] Fruits Basket #21 [It's the only one I have left to buy...I skipped one by accident.]
Nintendo DS


I do realize I'm inadvertently buying MatsuKen's entire filmography.